I never thought that we would make it this far but here we are 9 months in and still breastfeeding. This has been one tough journey. I knew that breastfeeding wouldn't be easy but I thought that was only for the first few weeks. I on the other hand struggled for the first 8 weeks then things were great! Breastfeeding was amazingly easy and I loved it. Then, at 4 month in, I got my first blocked milk duct and they kept recurring after that. I have probably had 10 or more.
My original goal was to BF for 6 months but when we got to 6 months Chelsea was WAY too attached and would not take a bottle. We tried to wean a few times but having a baby that will not take a bottle makes it very difficult and we would give up every time. Every time I get a new blocked milk duct I break down and cry and say I'm DONE!!! but how can I be done when Chelsea wont drink from anything but me? I feel so alone! I feel like the only person going through this and I have no support. It's funny because in the beginning I fought SO hard to increase my milk supply to get Chelsea to be OFF the bottle and now here I am wishing I could go back in time and do it all over again. If I knew then what I know now, I honestly would have stopped BF back then. Breastfeeding has now become a negative thing for me and I never really loved it in the first place. I don't feel the wonderful bond it brings because all I can do is worry. "I wonder when I will get another blocked milk duct" "I wonder how long it will last" "I wonder if it will become worse" "I wonder if there is something else going on" "why is it only happening on my one breast"...those are just some of the things that constantly run through my head.
So here I am with another blocked milk duct and taking antibiotics for possible Thrush but nobody really knows if that's what I have. It's frustrating not having answers. I have some symptoms for Thrush, Blocked milk duct and Mastitis but no idea what one it could be (if any). It has been a week now since I started feeling the pain and I really hope it goes away soon! As soon as this is gone I will be starting the weaning process again by taking away the "dinner time" feeding. Chelsea now drinks every 4 hours and all night long, so my goal is to only be nursing at night and then hopefully cutting that out too by the time I got back to work. Wish me luck! I need it.
I know how you feel. You are not alone! BF is very hard. I kept getting Blocked ducts and mastitis and I would cry wanting to stop, but I just couldn't. It's awful. I think what you have is mastitis. The Thrush is usually what you get from taking antibiotics (at least that's what happened to me) I finally decided enough was enough, and to slow down and everything got soooo much better! It was a very hard process but now she drinks mostly bottles and I think it's better for both of us. Good luck and feel better!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could somehow help but 1. not being in the same city and 2. not being a mom (or being anywhere near it, no matter how much you want your kiddies to have cousins! :) hehe) I feel like I can't contribute too much. But, I am here for you!
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